Motherhood. Just when you think you’ve got it sussed, a second baby comes along and throws your world into (beautiful) disarray, once more. While some things are infinitely easier with the knowledge that comes from having done it all – or some of it – before, having two children is certainly a new experience. It goes without saying that making it work for you is a personal process, but some top tips from those in the know can’t hurt. So, ahead of their respective turns at this month’s upcoming Baby Show, a panel of experts offer their advice for integrating the new arrival into the family…

“Before the new baby arrives, read stories with your older child about having a new brother or sister. Once the baby is born, let your toddler express their feelings without reproach or excessive enthusiasm.  Be calm and positive.

“Some couples experience relationship problems when children are young because the demands are so high. You know how up and down you can feel with a new baby, and there may be time when you feel guilty that your attention is so divided between your children, leaving very little time for yourself and your partner. Make sure you talk to each other, be kind and work as a team.

“The good news is you’ve done this before and can feel confident in your own abilities to be a positive parent and enjoy your new baby.

“Let your little one find their own role as an older sibling. Resist the urge to put pressure on them to love the baby or help out too much.  Give your older child opportunities to get involved but don’t worry if they don’t always want to.

“Having two babies at different development stages is exhausting. It’s probably triple the work so preparation is key. Your physical and mental health is going to be stretched so it’s time to be honest and practical about the support you’re going to need, not just to meet your children’s needs but your own as well.  Getting additional help either from friends or family or paying for a mother’s help or a cleaner can take the pressure off and make a lot of sense.

“However, be firm with visitors. Family might be desperate to visit the new arrival but parents need to be firm with visitors. Give them a time slot that suits you, and good friends will bring a cake with them.”

“Both parents will be getting very excited about the new baby, but also anxious about how their new little one will impact on their family… The new arrival can be unsettling for the first child. Toddlers will be inquisitive and very curious about the noises and movements the new baby will make.  Most find all the attention is on baby and not them, so this in itself can cause regression and tantrums.

“My advice would be to keep introductions to the new baby short and sweet. Give lots of praise to big sibling and ask him/her to be gentle. Then distract them with something else, otherwise you might find yourself being negative all the time as he/she tries to poke the new baby’s eyes and face when being inquisitive, which is totally normal.

“When you have visitors ask them to speak to the older sibling first rather than going straight over to the baby.

“It’s important to make an effort to still have one-to-one time with the older sibling without the baby. So, when the new baby is having a nap, dedicate play time to the older child; that way they won’t feel the need to start attention seeking behaviour which can turn into a temper tantrum.”

“When it comes to sleep, and with all of the older child’s daily life, it’s best to try to keep to the same routine, which will also provide security in this changing world.”

“Your toddler may become bored if you have to sit down to feed the new baby often, so it is helpful to create activities around feeding that only happen at or during feeding times, for example: book, bed and baby time where you get your toddler into your bed with a book and his/her bottle and while you snuggle up, breastfeed baby and read a book at the same time.

“Remember that feeding second time needs to be efficient. Unless you have a very patient older child, you’ll probably only have 30 minutes per feed during the day. If you’re breastfeeding, use breast massage or compression to keep your milk flowing and baby swallowing throughout the feed. The more your baby swallows, the shorter your feeds will be.

“Create one-to-one time with the older sibling. The more secure your toddler feels, the less rivalry you can expect as your toddler won’t see the new baby as a threat. Giving your first child a sense of responsibility and ownership of the little brother or sister will quickly get him on-board and creates the opportunity for you to make a fuss over him/her every time they help. For example, ask them to fetch a nappy, wipes, find a dummy, find a soft toy for baby, sing baby a song or stroke baby’s feet. All these things will make them feel important and a valued member of the team.  And he or she will get bored eventually and leave you in peace to breastfeed your new-born…”

The Baby Show with Made for Mums will be returning to Birmingham NEC from 15 – 17 May 2015. Advance tickets from £12.95, or £20 on the door. thebabyshow.co.uk