I quickly realised that I had never truly understood what had happened to these women. I could only wish I had been more educated and prepared in order to serve them better as a friend, and in order to later understand my own predicament.
Nothing can prepare you for the crushing despair and loneliness that follows the death of a baby during or soon after a pregnancy. It not only affects the parents, but the family and friends that so desperately want to help, but who feel so helpless. It is understandable that this is a subject seldom tackled until you are faced to face with it. I am a very private person, I do not wear my heart on my sleeve and don’t often ask for advice from others. Since that day in May, I have realised the this is one thing I don’t want to keep to myself.
I tried, like many others to contain my grief within my four walls. I locked myself up, and shut down. I stopped seeing friends, and went about trying to understand how I was going to fix myself, and my family. When my boyfriend had to finally go back to work, I tried to occupy myself but the ever present feeling of being alone was too much. I decided soon after in order to get through it I had to face what had happened to us. I had to talk about it.
I started speaking to friends, telling people what had happened to our son. I told them that we wanted to talk about it, and not to tiptoe around the subject. In doing so we made the first steps in overcoming it. I went back to work. I won’t pretend it was easy, that I didn’t flinch when people asked me about how my baby was, but I was prepared. I told them as honestly as I could what had happened, and although it was tough, it was never as awkward or as painful as I had expected.