1. Know your ‘yes’
I nicked this from a great pal/former colleague Clare Dwyer Hogg – author of our Midweek Musings column – who explained that knowing your yes (where you want to be or the kind of life you want) is the first step to understanding your ‘no’ – the things that won’t help you achieve those goals.
2. Chill out
This doesn’t mean start reading books about Slow Parenting, mindfulness or other prescribed systems to become a more present you. It means, quite simply, worry a bit less. In part thanks to the constant reminder of how shiny everyone else’s life seems on social media, and the idea that we’re constantly being judged online, it’s easy to think everyone else is judging you. In reality, they’re not. And if they are, who cares? Be yourself, and accept that’s enough.
3. Take time off
It’s pretty basic but it’s something we’re really good at forgetting to do. Yes, there’s a mountain of washing to do, emails to read and kids parties to attend. But you can’t do them all, so give yourself a break and take time to do nothing. By which I didn’t’ actually mean sit still in a silent room – for me, drinking wine and chewing the ear off my friends is a sure path to happiness; I rather mean don’t feel you always have to be on-call. Because you don’t, and you’ll be far more productive if you give yourself a break then start again…
4. Don’t overthink it
I don’t think I’m alone in spending an inordinate amount of time deliberating what would make me ‘truly happy’. My husband and I have watched every episode of Escape to the Country, yearning after a calmer existence, which we’d achieve if we *just* had a few more sheep in eye-line, and debated the 320 life-paths that we could pursue to achieve the perfect balance. The truth is we have three kids under five – life is not going to be straightforward any time soon, regardless of where we live, but it is fun (sometimes) and would be more so if we’d just let ourselves get on with it a bit more rather than constantly hankering after the greener grass on the other side.
5. Go with your gut
You know when an opportunity is put in front of you and you think ‘I really should do that!’ while a looming sense of dread builds just thinking about taking on something else? This is the point when I now say ‘sorry, I can’t’. Not to everything. There are some things we can’t ignore forever: like tax returns or hungry children. But it’s easy to get to the point where you’re constantly, automatically saying ‘yes’ for fear of letting people down. I’ve now realised it’s OK to say ‘no’. Particularly scary when turning down freelance projects that you just can’t fit in, but I’ve learnt that telling someone ‘sorry, I’m too busy right now’ doesn’t mean they won’t ask again; because people understand – in regard to other people, if not themselves – that people can’t say yes to everything. The sense of relief when you send an email saying ‘sorry I can’t’ to a request that you can’t possibly fit in but for a second thought you had to, is amazing. Try it and see for yourself!