Mark Williams, founder of Fathers Reaching Out and Dads Matter UK has a 10-year-old son, Ethan
“My wife’s labour was 22 hours long but I found it fine. However, when the doctors came in saying she had to have an emergency c-section, I had my first ever panic attack. I was 30 years of age. I thought: ‘My wife’s going to die having a baby.’ I never want to go through that experience again.
When we got back home, my wife was very clingy, she wouldn’t let me go anywhere. I didn’t realise that she had Postnatal Depression (PND). We had good jobs and a house but I had to give up work – I was self employed – to look after my wife and baby. I was totally isolated and couldn’t tell anyone because I was worried about Social Services taking away the baby.
What should have been a good time was terrible for us. I enjoy work but couldn’t go so I was having money worries, then when my son was about five or six months, I started using drink to cope. My mind was racing; there was so much going on in my head. My personality started to change. I couldn’t even talk to my best friends, because I didn’t know anyone with a mental health issue.
My first suicidal thoughts came around eight months. I never made a plan, just had these negative thoughts but I couldn’t tell my wife how I was really feeling because I wanted her to get well. I mean, when she was really ill she couldn’t even get out of bed, though she still made an effort to look after the baby.