Kerry Voellner is 37-years-old and lives in Manchester, UK.

I come from a big family so there were always children around when I was growing up. I helped to look after my younger siblings so never really felt the need to have children of my own. There was only ever one time I wanted children and that was when I was in a long-term relationship six years ago. My ex-partner had a young daughter and I was very close to her. For a time we were very happy and wanted to extend the family but I thought I couldn’t conceive. Then we went through a painful split and I never saw my stepdaughter again.

Adjusting to life after having a stepdaughter for a long time was hard. Even though it was my decision to split I had a void in my life. I now have nieces and nephews who fill that for me. I am very close to them and although I do sometimes feel like I’ve missed out, I think I’ve made the right decision and have my career, which I am very proud of.

When that relationship ended, six years ago, I was at university and carried on to do a degree, a postgraduate certificate and I am now doing a masters. I think throwing myself into my career helped with the heartbreak. My next relationship was with a woman as I didn’t think I could ever trust a man again. We were together until last year and although she was a fantastic partner we weren’t in love. Kids never came into the equation whilst we were together, and over time we became more friends than lovers. I then ended up meeting someone else – my new partner who I am with today.

Sometimes, as a woman in your thirties, people expect you to have children. When I say I don’t have kids some people look at me like I’m mad. I once got in a taxi and was talking to the driver and when I said I had no kids he gave me the dirtiest look, like I was from another planet. But because I don’t have kids I feel like I have unlimited freedom and can do what I like, when I like. I can say yes whenever we’re invited out and can still spend time with my nieces and nephews and other close children in my life.

Now and then I do feel a sense of loss and a bit jealous that I will never have the opportunity to love a child like my friends do, and it makes me sad sometimes, but I get over it quickly enough. In all honesty I don’t think nappies and sleepless nights are for me. We are not in the dark ages anymore, women contribute wholly to society and don’t need to be child-bearers to feel worthy.

Resources for childfree living…
Life without baby – Lisa Manterfield
Coping with infertility – Nagar Nicole Jacobs and William T O’Donohue
Living the Life Unexpected – Jody Day
Gateway Women
Accepting Infertility
Childfree