Image: Emily Gray Photography

I had my son Buster at 29. We were renting in Richmond but we moved to St Margaret’s when he was seven months as the houses in that part of London are bonkers prices. At the time, I was working in brand and communications managing a big team of agencies and colleagues to deliver advertising and sponsorship campaigns.

I worked part-time. I was ‘lucky’ as my employer let me come back after both babies on a three day week basis. The problem is, if you manage people and a team and you’re not there as much as them, they tend to know more of what is going on than you do, so you spend your time in work chasing your tail and trying to look like you know what is going on.

I’ve always worked hard and felt passionate about work, but after having babies it didn’t feel the same and I felt like I was on the periphery a bit. I wanted to do something that excited me, and if I was going to put my kids in nursery I wanted to feel it was worth it – financially but also, and possibly more importantly, like it was taking me somewhere and using the skills I’d spent years working on.

I’m learning that I have to be realistic about what is possible – I can’t do everything I did before and run a business on top

I started with a blog. I knew I wanted to communicate with women and mothers and I wanted to see if I could relate to them. On a practical side, it also meant building a website (with the help of my brother-in-law) and learning how to use social media for myself, rather than managing an agency to do it on a big budget. It was like a stepping stone to starting a business while still in the security of paid employment.

The blog went really well and hugely boosted my confidence, which was a bit dented after two babies pretty close together, and that gave us the courage to say ‘right, let’s do it’. I spent evenings and lunchtimes writing a business plan and researching products and packaging so when I quit my job I had a plan. I launched Don’t Buy Her Flowers a few months later, in November 2014.

My daughter Mabel was two when I launched and I take my hat off to anyone doing it with tiny babies. I don’t think my brain had capacity when mine were really small and in hindsight I’m glad I took my time. Going back to a job you already know, even for a short while, is definitely not to be sniffed at. It buys time and security while you figure out what you want to do.

At the beginning there were moments of ‘what have I done?’ Because it is a huge juggle and it’s hard to switch off

Now I’m learning that I have to be realistic about what is possible – I can’t do everything I did before and run a business on top. My partner Doug helps more, we have a cleaner, we try to have some weekends with no plans so we’re not racing about feeling miserable – whatever you’ve got to do.

It’s a huge cliché but I already can’t imagine doing anything else. It’s hard work and can be all-consuming, but the sense of achievement is amazing. I was at an event last week and women kept coming up to me to say they’d sent or received one of my packages, and they were so smiley, it gave me the biggest buzz.

At the beginning there were moments of ‘what have I done?’ because it is a huge juggle and it’s hard to switch off, but I’ve learned that’s when you have to remember the end goal – to have flexibility for my family and do something I feel passionate about while earning some money.

What it has given me is a better balance with my partner. He can see what I’m doing and what I’m achieving and he is part of it

In all honesty I’ve never worked harder, but it’s the most exciting learning curve and it feels entirely different when it’s your own thing. Buster’s in school now and Mabel is in nursery three days a week, which are my official ‘work’ days, but I work most evenings and there are always enquiries to respond to and orders to pack.

What it has given me is a better balance with Doug. He can see what I’m doing and what I’m achieving and he is part of it – it’s our business. He can also see that in order to do it I need his support. He’ll do the grocery shop or deal with household things on the to-do list (forms to fill in, birthday gifts to buy) and most nights after the kids are in bed he sorts dinner while I get on my laptop. Everyone tells me that this is the most intense bit because you’re on your own, so I’m holding on to that!

dontbuyherflowers.com

More in Regulars

Writers Bloc #1 Val McDermid

By , 25th September 2018
Features, Regulars
From imposter syndrome to plotting, in a new series for Marie Claire authors give me chapter and verse on how the writing process works for them - starting with multi award-winning crime writer Val McDermid, who has written 32 books in as many years

The Lives of Others #6

By , 23rd July 2018
Education, Features, Regulars, Travel
Georgie Higginson moved from the UK to Uganda 14 years ago. After losing their daughter to stillbirth, she and her husband were inspired to build a lodge on the banks of the River Nile, overlooking Murchison Falls National Park - an area once occupied by LRA rebels

Global Village #6

By , 9th July 2018
Design, Features, Regulars, Travel
Designer Kate Pietrasik lived in London, Edinburgh, New York and Byron Bay before moving to a town near Biarritz when her daughter was four years old. She reflects on life as a 'blended family', running her own business, and the joy of being rootless

Global Village #5

By , 21st May 2018
Regulars, Travel
When Rosalind Miller's daughter was born, the medical student was determined having a child wouldn't stop her moving to India to carry out her PhD field work. She reflects on swapping London for a local community in Bangalore with a toddler in tow

Global Village #4

By , 14th May 2018
Education, Regulars, Travel
From Scotland to Costa Rica (via East London, New York and Mexico). Mother-of-four Abigail Pilcher talks multiple relocations, opening – and closing – a guesthouse, and how a holiday to Turkey inspired the move of a lifetime